第1167章 妄自尊大
确实该传。毕竟往河北塞亲监视刘秀的“妙计“，正是这两位国丈兼权臣，在三个月前用“一石三鸟“的说辞哄着刘玄拍板的。当时赵萌还特意强调：“四人互相牵制，绝无结党可能“，现在倒好，确实没结党——直接组团投胎了。
“朕的肱骨啊——“刘玄扑在镶金丝软垫上干嚎，眼泪没挤出来半滴，倒是宿醉的酸水呕了几口。他忽然一个鲤鱼打挺坐起来：“速召！速召！让那两个老杀才滚过来！“
赵萌和李松来得比想象中还慢。进殿时一个披着玄狐大氅，一个捧着紫铜手炉，氤氲水汽里飘着枸杞黄芪的味儿——不知道的还以为是来太极殿养生来了。
“陛下节哀。“赵萌行礼时，大氅领子蹭到地面沾了雪沫子，他立刻皱眉踢了踢身旁跪着的小太监：“愣着作甚？擦净！“
李松则直接凑到龙案前，就着刘玄喝剩的醒酒汤闻了闻：“哟，昨日进贡的西域葡萄酒？陛下好歹兑点蜂蜜，伤胃。“
刘玄的怒火像被戳破的皮囊，噗嗤漏了气。他只能捶着案几咆哮：“河北！河北都没了！“
“陛下言重了。“赵萌慢条斯理地摘着手套，“不过折了四条狗。“
“那是朕亲封的刺史！“
“所以呀，“李松突然击掌，“正说明刘秀狼子野心！该打！该狠狠地打！“见刘玄眼睛一亮，他话锋急转：“但不是现在打。“
赵萌默契接茬：“当前心腹大患是赤眉军。“他忽然拔高嗓音，吓得梁上睡觉的麻雀扑棱棱乱飞：“那樊崇带着几十万泥腿子已到崤山！陛下可知崤山离长安多远？“他猛地展开双臂比划，袖风扫翻了鎏金香炉：“就这么远！“
刘玄果然被带偏了，脖子缩得像受惊的乌龟：“那...那该如何？“
“招安！“二重唱响彻殿宇。
“封侯！“李松掏出一卷竹简啪地展开：“樊崇、逄安、谢禄三人，给个虚爵哄住便是。“
刘玄的肉疼病立刻发作，手指头掐算得飞快：“三个列侯？岁俸二千石！那就是六千石！“
“陛下圣明！算学更圣明！“赵萌抚掌赞叹，下一秒却嗤笑：“可谁说给真俸禄了？“他忽然从袖中抖出张绢帛，哗啦垂地三丈长：“《大汉虚封侯爵特别条例》！王莽时期起草的精品！“
刘玄凑近细看，发现条文旁还画着猥琐小人图：有列侯讨要食邑被雷劈的，有追索俸禄掉粪坑的。最绝的是附录的“祥瑞抵扣方案“——可用彩虹使用权、晚霞观赏权等虚拟资产冲抵俸禄。
“妙啊！“刘玄眼睛发亮，突然又犹豫：“可他们要是不肯...“
“不肯？“李松突然从怀里掏出个布包。层层揭开后，竟是三枚刻好的列侯金印——拿萝卜雕的！“先拿这个顶账，就说玉匠感染风寒咳坏了手艺。“
赵萌更绝，直接召来十二个宫女。她们抬着的鎏金箱里堆满“金饼“，实则是描金纸片；“食邑地图“画在糯米纸上，特意标注“遇水即现祥瑞纹“；甚至准备了“东海龙王租金欠条“，盖着歪歪扭扭的蝌蚪文海晶宫大印。
刘玄看得眉开眼笑，突然指着萝卜印：“会不会太儿戏？“
“儿戏？“赵萌正色道：“当年汉高祖封韩信，连萝卜印都没给！“说完自觉失言，赶紧补了句：“当然陛下比高祖仁厚多了。“
于是大事敲定。刘玄急着去找新纳的赵贵妃品鉴西域葡萄酒，临走时还贴心嘱咐：“诏书用熏香遮遮萝卜味。“
次日清晨，刘玄是在贵妃的琵琶声里被吵醒的。他顶着黑眼圈上朝时，发现赵萌李松早已精神抖擞候在殿中。
“办妥了？“刘玄打着哈欠问。
“赤眉三帅已接旨谢恩！“李松呈上回执时，袖口漏出几点泥巴——天知道他们连夜去哪刨的萝卜。
刘玄刚咧开嘴，突然瞪圆眼睛：“等等！封了三个什么爵？“
“空心侯、纸鸢侯、画饼侯。“赵萌答得字正腔圆。
“岁俸各二千石？“
“用终南山白云抵扣一千石，渭河浪花抵扣八百石，“李松流利报账，“剩下二百石打欠条，利息按蓬莱仙桃成熟周期计算。“
刘玄突然捂住心口瘫在龙椅上。不是心疼，是笑岔气了：“你们...你们居然真用萝卜刻印？！“
“陛下明鉴！“赵萌突然跪地泣诉：“刻印的萝卜还是臣等自掏腰包买的！长安菜市因陛下招安大计，萝卜价格翻了三倍啊！“
刘玄顿时龙颜大悦，当场要给二人补偿。却见小太监连滚爬进来：“赤眉使者求见！说...说侯印被他们大帅当零嘴啃了半截！问能不能换甜脆些的瓜果重刻？“
满朝寂静中，赵萌淡定出列：“告知使者，此乃西域进贡的冰糖心萝卜。食之延年益寿，啃得越碎，福气越碎（岁）平安！“
当使者捧着“萝卜养生说“圣谕懵圈离去时，刘玄正忙着在妃子裙带上画授爵诏书。他没看见赵萌李松交换的眼神——那三枚真玉玺刻的侯印，早被他们塞进礼箱，正快马加鞭送往河北刘秀军中。
殿外雪越下越大，盖住了长安城泥泞的街巷。某个巷深处，菜贩子正高声吆喝：“御用同款萝卜！刻章泡茶两相宜！假一赔十！“
长安传舍的瓦当往下滴着隔夜的雨水，正好砸进樊崇的酒碗里。这位新晋“空心侯”盯着涟漪看了半晌，突然把酒泼在夯土地面上：“俺们赤眉军当年喝马尿都比这酒有劲头！”
逄安默默把啃光的羊腿骨摆成阵法：“三天了，连个宣召的小太监都没见着。俺娘说封侯拜相要骑高头马游街，咱仨倒好，蹲在传舍听隔壁贩夫赌骰子。”
“游街？”谢禄嗤笑着从怀里掏出那根著名的萝卜侯印，上面还留着清晰的牙印，“昨儿饿急了啃了一口，现在嗓子眼还泛着生萝卜味儿。你们说刘玄老儿是不是把咱当驴耍？”
一秒记住【顶点小说】
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